Thursday, April 3, 2014

The "Perfect" Relationshit

It's kind of funny on how the world throws things under your door when you least expect it. In this case the world did not slip it to me they forced my door open and threw a bucket of heart break and sorrow at me. Girls do not be fooled by your man. He may seem like the perfect one but you will never know what he may have in store for you. Let me tell you my story...

We met a few weeks after his birthday at the park. He was working out with his friends to blow off some steam because he got yet again rejected by the second girl he fell madly for. I on the other hand refused to come and was dragged into the car by my friends. I would rather be anti social that day and go to sleep. My friends took me down to the park and once I looked up and saw his face... My my... it was magic... He had the sweetest hazel eyes and the most genuine and bright smile. We exchanged a few words a couple hellos and a couple of jokes. I remember he said to me "Hi, I'm Jason haven't I seen you before...?" I replied with a slight chuckle and I shook my head. "Aren't you that pretty girl from Compton?" he said and this soon became our inside joke. "Compton...? Ah yes I am that pretty cashier down the shop!" I replied playing along with his joke. That's all it took for us to fall madly for each other. I sprained my ankle so I could not do much. I remember shrieking with joy after we left that HE WAS THE ONE. As I recall his friend telling me he was shrieking as well that I WAS THE ONE. This came to the next step. The Chase.

I was absolutely thrilled I had found this guy who I absolutely adored. My friend texted him that I did fancy him. That led to us facebook stalking each other but not adding each other. Quite weird we never added each other on facebook for a while but never stopped filling our walls with photos of each other. We never stopped filling out walls with cute things and writing on each others walls. Showing the world how happy we were! The chase only last a week until he texted me one night. I remember I could not stop smiling I felt like I was on cloud 9. We texted all night nonstop about everything. We had conversations where it would just flow. Even if it was about absolute nonsense like watermelon milk or how big a bra would have to be to fit a basketball. There was no dull moments. We slowly transitioned to making phone calls to each other since I could not see him as much (we went to different schools). I taught him how to make a phone call and I swear his voice sounded like how a God should sound like. If I could resurrect a God and make him speak it would sound like his voice. He never made a phone call before because it would feel awkward with him. Turns out we spent our phone bills on each other. Seconds turned to minutes and minutes turned into hours. He became my daily routine...

We would Skype daily even fall asleep to each other. We would call each other daily. Texting every second. We became that annoying inseparable couple. Again never a dull moment. There were times on Skype I would randomly wake up in the middle of the night while he was doing homework or something and I would lock eyes with him and stare then fall back asleep. There were times when I called him in my sleep and talk about nonsense. If you would go back in our Skype calls you would find so much random stuff (him talking in many accents trying to make me laugh, me practicing my dance while he copies, push up contests, dance contests, us eating breakfast together, me being sick with the whooping cough and vomiting and so much more). 

The first time I met him again in person he brought me a bag of chocolate (which I admit I lost because we both left our seats at the play and came back to it lost. I told him my friend took it shhhh.). He also brought me a stuffed elephant that was so soft. I sewed him a stuffed turtle that had his name on it and was the color of teal his favorite. Once we hugged I knew this would last for quite a while. It felt perfect. A few days later we shared our first kiss on our first date. Theater 7 the third row from the back while watching a movie. He could not stop kissing me so I decided to sneak a kiss on the lips back to him. Being his first girl he was stunned. Not bad for a first kiss. I remember distinctly the warmth of his chest ( I was laying on him), the smell of laundry mixed in with cheap but good cologne. The taste of his lips... The smell of the theater. I remember it all. Something now that I wish to throw away. 

It took me a while to say I love you to him... It was hard I have been in previous relationships that did not work out well. It started out as I really like you? as for him it was I LOVE YOU ANONYMOUS (note my real name is not jasey rae). I got to know his parents and brothers and sisters in laws really well. I baked them goods occasionally and loved his mother like my mom. She witnessed my being verbally abused in my own home, we skyped and texted. I always checked in with her and she adored me. She and her husband would always talk of me as a daughter to them. She loved the way I dressed, did my nails and always had something to say. Whenever I saw her I would make small chat for ten minutes at least. The father adored me because I tutored his son in a subject he wasn't too fond on. I charmed him with my wits and he always referred to me as the daughter he always wanted. 

Jason showered me with gifts hell we both did. We splurged on each other and sometimes I'd make him hand craft gifts. The day we broke up I left the album on his bed the one I was making for our one year. I cooked for him, massaged him when he wanted to or just because, and bought him things. I got along with several people he was close to in his life. He got along with my friends who I called family. We shared gifts and everybody saw us as a married couple. He bought me flowers, chocolate, clothes and jewelry. The perfect relationship. We talked fondly about marriage even though we were so young. There were times when we got bitter and got upset. We fought like a normal couple or well I thought it was normal. We fought about jealousy to just getting cranky and nasty. The month we broke up I never knew it was headed for that... He was my dream guy. My prince charming as I would like to call it. He became my everyday routine like he said. I screen shot every cutsie text message and every happy anniversaries. We took pictures so much in three hours i only got to the Christmas party. My phone has been something I wanted to throw at a wall because I can't bare look at those anymore. He was back from a trip. A week gone from me and valentines. We fought about that a lot on how I'd have to be spending it alone. Was it that that broke us up? I will never know. He fooled me sure did. He came back I picked him up and we bought groceries. He made comments about our anniversary coming up. I was excited that his birthday was coming up 

For his birthday I already planned with his mother a surprise birthday party. I told him I would be away for his birthday but I would actually be here. He would play basketball and I would set up his room in balloons with pictures of us tied to them. I would cook him scrambled eggs and pancakes. He would come home see it and I would take him to go kayaking. After 2 hours kayaking and having a small lunch there would be a surprise birthday party awaiting. I would have made the birthday cake a german chocolate ice cream cake. His favorite foods and his friends waiting for him by the s'more bar. We would play movies outdoors playing his favorite movie one of them being the Dark Night Rises and the Avengers. I would have made the desserts and planned it perfectly with his favorite food. I would have even brought one of his friends that I hated.I was

I was very excited for that and once we went into my car. I didn't want to hold his hand no. I loved him but not enough to risk his life. Maybe he took that as a sign of I didn't really love him when I actually did. He did not break up with me then. Nope. We went to his house and I left my good running shoes at his house because I offered to go running Thursday. Did he break up with me then? Nope. He broke up with me after I was ranting about my family and did it over text. I called him to see what was up and what was happening to this perfect relationship. I drove over 20 minutes enraged at this point. I demanded what the fuck do you mean were over? Just like that? When we didn't fight this day?! I instantly broke down. I loved him so much. You may think I am crazy. Okay I am crazy and was crazy in love for him. I wanted to commit suicide. I was severely depressed. I didn't know what was happening to my life. My life was gone in an instant. He called the cops after I threw the expensive anklet he bought for him at him. I hurried and left. 

I left a text message saying "Friends with benefits?" and much more to it. I became bat shit crazy something a man or woman can do to you when they leave out of the blue. I wrote a letter to him and left it on his bed that said "I will always love you. I will treat this as when Lily left to San Francisco and left Marshall." I dumped the stuff on his bed along with the album of us. I forgot to give back his sweater, t shirt, cheap cologne and pillow case back. When I went to get my stuff back he played it off as he didn't have anything of mine. I knew he did. I really want my sneakers back.

I later thought that I was pregnant with his child. I ran through tests and I never told anyone. Truth be told before I took the pregnancy test with my friend it was positive three times. I asked him if it broke and he said nope. He did mess with the stupid condom several times. I took two with my friends and it was negative. Kind of glad and kind of sad. I wanted a child but then again I got a life ahead of me. It seemed as if he did not support it. 

To this month it seems as if the only voice in my head was him doing accents. I don't remember what he sounded like. I can barely remember how he felt like. I found out he has been spreading rumors about me at his school. Saying I lied about being pregnant, how I'm the evil girlfriend after all, how I still had a thing for my exs and a ton of other horrible lies. If they saw my side of the story in which I hope they do... they know I am not the one to blame. He left me because of my attitude and sarcasm. Yes I called him names but at the end of the day I would cry over how handsome he is and I wouldn't change a thing. He would cry as well he was very uhm... emotional. I apologized and always told him I loved him. I guess that doesn't matter. 

Truth be told girls and boys who read this... a relationship could never be perfect. You head down two pathways down the aisle or down the dumpsters. It was perfect at first and it always seemed perfect but realistically. Look where we headed. Down the dumpster.